Oftentimes when we are struggling, we are aware we need help but we may not really know what kind of help it is we need. This issue is common among adults especially in our culture where independence is so highly valued. Asking for help when you need it can sometimes carry shame, admission of failure and highlight a sense of low self worth. 

Divorce is an inherently isolating and shame filled process. A couple, a family is being dismantled and new identities need to be formed. This takes time and there is no clear instruction manual for it. But it is certainly a time when individuals going through the divorce process need help – they may just not be sure what kind of help they really need. 

During, before and after divorce –  emotional and intellectual bandwidth is very limited and taking the smallest step in the right direction, or any direction, or asking for help can feel like climbing a mountain. 

Different from a therapist, a divorce coach helps with clearing the path ahead and filling in the gaps where clarification on sensitive issues may be needed. A divorce coach helps clients in establishing goals for themselves, their family and their future while identifying challenges that may not be so clear while going through a challenging life transition of divorce. 

A divorce coach is not equipped to handle the deep psychological issues and traumas that often come up and are triggered during the process of divorce. Untangling a family is a painful process, and can bring up unprocessed emotions and an inability to regulate them, that is when a therapist and working with a coach comes in very handy. Because a coach helps with what a therapist cannot fully assist with, giving guidance logistically and operationally as it pertains to the divorce process. 

What a divorce coach does is help clients navigate a difficult time by empowering them with knowledge, support and as much skill as possible. There is no judgment or shame in divorce, although often as the person getting divorced it is hard not to feel that way. Different from a therapist, a coach is a sounding board. A divorce coach helps clients build a workable roadmap around identified personal, and family goals. When going through a divorce goals are hard to set, and sometimes seem unattainable. A divorce coach is an advocate, someone in the corner that is able to find shortcomings and help me to focus on my strengths. Something else that as a divorce coach can help with, different from a therapist, is to provide clients with specific vetted resources that help transition them from married life to single life. Resources such as insurance agents, real estate agents, financial planners, movers and yes – therapists. 

A divorce coach is not a therapist. A divorce coach helps by keeping the client focused on the work – and the steps that need to be taken to ultimately achieve set goals. 

Divorce is a major life change. People don’t talk about it because there is shame around it. But there is help, asking for the help you need is the first step in the right direction.